US SoccerUS Soccer

w/ Danny Szetela

What’s it going to be? Door number one, door number two, or door number THREE?!? Okay, so this section has less to do with “Let’s Make A Deal” and more to do with the Multiple Choice section of an SAT test. “In 3’s” peeks inside the head of a select National Team player as they pick one of three choices for 25 questions about personal tastes and pop culture.

A native of New Jersey, with Polish heritage, U.S. Under-17 Men’s National Team midfielder Danny Szetela has heard all the tired stereotypes about they of the mall bangs and lack of intelligence. But he doesn’t care about all that. He’s 16. All he cares about is doing well in soccer and doing well with the girls. So we give him his chance to produce an online dating profile that would work perfectly in the pages of “Tiger Beat.”

Truest Jersey stereotype: IROC Camaro, mall bangs or mafia ties (connections, not skinny black silk that you knot around your collar)?
"I'd have to go with mafia ties. I know a couple people (in the mafia) kinda. I don't really get involved with them because I don't want to get too close."

Best way to wear a baseball cap brim: to the front, to the back or tilted to the side?
"Back and to the right. That's just the way I wear it. I think it looks the best."

Best way to wear your hair for soccer games: with shoelace (a la the Brian McBride of old), ponytail (a la the Jeff Agoos of old) or let it flow (a la Carlos Valderrama)?
"I'm going with the ponytail now. I used to use a band, but now I put it into a ponytail because it is long enough. I started the long hair trend and (U.S. U-17 MNT teammates Christian) Jimenez and Rigo (Rodrigo Hidalgo) followed. And then they tried to say they started it."

Best way to relax on the road: see a movie, shop at the mall or play video games?
“Play video games. We play FIFA all the time.”

Favorite film of the original “Star Wars” trilogy: "A New Hope" (the original), "The Empire Strikes Back" or "Return of the Jedi"?
"‘Return of the Jedi.’ It's the only one I've seen."

Best rapper-turned actor: Ice Cube, Tupac or Ja Rule?
"Tupac. I hate Ja Rule. (Tupac) might not be around anymore, but he was a good actor when he was doing movies. I liked him the best."

Favorite funnyman: Will Ferrell, Jack Black or Ben Stiller?
"Jack Black. I like Tenacious D and was a big fan of ‘Orange County.’"

Favorite Thursday night NBC sitcom: "Friends," "Scrubs" or "Will & Grace"?
"Gotta go with ‘Friends.’ It's just a classic – a show that I'll always watch."

Funniest “Saturday Night Live” star of all-time: Chevy Chase, Bill Murray or Eddie Murphy?
"Eddie Murphy. I haven't really been able to watch a lot of the new shows, but Eddie was always classic."
[Editor’s Note: Perhaps Danny doesn’t realize that Chase and Murray were two of the biggest names from the first five years, not recent casts. But it was before he was born, so you can’t blame him.]

Hottest female icon: Britney, Christina or Madonna?
“I like Christina. Madonna is just too old and I think Britney is just a little girl, a little baby. I think Christina is a lady.”

Favorite type of rock music: Classic rock, Modern/Alternative rock or Punk rock?
“I'd have to go punk rock, but I don't really listen to it that much. My favorite is Blink-182. They're funny guys and I like the way they sing.”

Country music: classic, comforting, or corny?
“Definitely corny. I'm not big into country.”

Sports & Leisure:
Favorite New Jersey Net: Jason Kidd, Kenyon Martin or Kerry Kittles?
"Jason Kidd. He's an all out good player. I think he's injured right now though."

How many Stanley Cups have the N.J. Devils won in the last 10 years: 1, 2 or 3?
"Three. (I know that) even though I hate the Devils. I like the Rangers."

Best men's magazine: Maxim, FHM or Stuff?
“I like Maxim because they show all the hot girls. So do the other ones, but Maxim shows the hottest ones.”

Coolest X-game: surfing, snowboarding or skateboarding?
“I think snowboarding because they do some crazy stuff. I tried it once, but I'll never do it again because I almost killed myself. I went off a jump and tried to do some stupid stuff and almost broke my neck.”

Best beach activity: soccer, volleyball or laying out?
"Laying out, for sure. I'm always trying to work on my tan to impress the girls."

Best sport to play in Bradenton besides soccer: tennis, basketball or fishing?
"Tennis, I'm always playing with the girls. I played with one girl I dated. She beat me. Then she played lefty and I beat her."

Best former U.S. Men's National Team player from New Jersey: John Harkes, Tony Meola or Tab Ramos?
"Tab Ramos. I was always watching him when I was younger and he was with the MetroStars. I got the chance to play with him once when he was with the MetroStars."

Favorite team in the EPL: Arsenal, Man-U or Chelsea?
"Arsenal for sure. It has always been my dream to play for them some day. I hope it will come true if I keep working hard."

Best Polish food: kielbasa (sausage), pierogi (dumpling) or babka (coffee cake)?
"Pierogi! It’s my favorite. My mom always makes it when I'm home and I always eat it."
[Editor's note: He gave his answer before the first choice was even read.]

Favorite type of non-American food: Mexican, Italian or Chinese/Asian?
“Chinese or Asian. I used to eat it every night here in Bradenton, but now that I'm on a special diet, I only get to eat it once a week.”

Favorite kind of seafood: grouper, salmon or tuna?
"I like tuna. It was what I always ate when I was younger. I like salmon, but not really any other kind of fish."

Worst vice: coffee, soda or junk food?
“All three.”

Table of Contents

1.  Armchair Midfielder: 2004 MLS Off-Season Moves
2.  In 3’s: Under-17 Midfielder Danny Szetela
3.  Gear Galore: New U.S. MNT Hooded Fleece
4.  Queries & Anecdotes: WNT defender Kylie Bivens
5.  Mark That Calendar: MNT vs. Poland - March 31, 2004
6.  Superstar!!!: MNT goalkeeper Jonny Walker
7.  Fan Point/Counterpoint: Who will be the 2004 MLS MVP
8.  You Don’t Know Jack (Marshall):2003 MLS Trivia

We want feedback. No, really. Positive, negative, indifferent--we take all kinds. Reach us at: