Fall semester, 2024. State College, Pennsylvania.
Kealey Titmuss was sitting in her kinesiology class at the Forum Building. It was cold outside, but the problem was, she was feeling a bit cold inside. In her heart and in her mind.
The long-time U.S. Women’s Youth National Team goalkeeper had entered Penn State during the previous spring semester after finishing high school early and, unlike many freshmen, had a major: Kinesiology with a focus on Movement Science.
But something was missing from her psyche. They say college is as much about finding one’s passions as it is about classroom learning. Part of that process is finding out what doesn’t excite you.
“The class was interesting, but I just kept thinking that this is not what I want to do with my life,” said Titmuss. “I wanted to do something that was more hands on, something more creative, something where I could express myself better.”
She had always been an artistic kid, drawing and painting, so at just 18 years old, she made what was probably the second biggest decision of her young life (after choosing Penn State early on in high school over a half dozen other college offers): she changed her major.
“Whenever I’m doing art, I have this sense of calm,” said Titmuss, who is now pursuing a Bachelor of Arts in the Art and Architecture Department, a major that also includes quite a bit of digital art, new media and graphics. “I have all my wits about me. I understand what is supposed to be going on in my head and in my life.”
She was initially worried that she would feel like an outsider in her new major, but she has been embraced with kindness by her fellow art students, the vast majority of whom don’t even know she plays for Penn State’s vaunted national power soccer program. So far, she has taken about eight art studio classes and she’s loving her academic path, which includes class sizes of just 10 to 30 students. She is the only female athlete in her major, but that’s fine with Titmuss, who never wears athletic gear to class.
Titmuss thinks her freehand drawing could use some work, so her preferred medium is oil painting, although she dabbles in acrylics and watercolors.
Working in oils, a slower-drying, more flexible process, is more her speed.
It’s well established that the life of a goalkeeper ain’t easy. You’re the first one on the field and last one to leave. In between, you throw yourself to the ground hundreds of times, facing off against attacking players who feel little remorse about smashing soccer balls off all parts of your body. And that’s just the physical part. The mental part is even more difficult, which is why the best goalkeepers in the world often have mentalities forged in Valyrian steel.
“Doing art gives me a chance to step away from everything else, from athletics, from the pressure, from the grind,” said Titmuss, who is easy to spot on the field with her trademark thick headbands (she owns about 60 and has around a dozen in the regular rotation). “I love all of that, but you can’t do it 24/7. When I’m painting, I can be creative about something that I care about and something that I’m proud of. And it doesn’ttake a physical or a mental toll. It’s just the opposite, it’s energizing.”
Titmuss revels in the whole painting process. She makes her canvases from scratch, building her own stretcher frames, with a big assist from two grizzled veteran Penn State woodshop workers, Mark and Chris.
“A painting is something that starts from nothing and ends as a complete piece. It’s a part of you and part of how you experience the world,” she said. “It’s a beautiful thing. My time and energy go into something I can see at the end and be proud to showcase to people. I love the organic vibe that painting has and the freedom that is gives me.”
She has gifted a few of her works to friends and family, and has even started to get a few commissions, but with school and soccer, she’s not sure when she’ll have time to produce them. She is working on some pricing and is a bit humbled by the requests. “It’s really cool that someone wants to buy something I’ve created.”
Like soccer, she feels that art can also be a bit humbling at times, but she’s working to find that elite confidence which flows through top athletes and creators.
“I admit that sometimes I’ve got a little bit of imposter syndrome because it feels like a lot of people in my major have dedicated so much of their lives to perfecting their own style and what their art means them,” she said. “I have an understanding of what my art means to me, because it’s my passion, but I haven’t had the time to totally dive in because of school and soccer. So, I get a little self-conscious when we have critiques (a process whereby students evaluate each other’s work) and get feedback in class.”
It’s a common opinion – one largely based on empirical evidence – that goalkeepers are wired a bit differently than their field player teammates.
“It is kind of true,” said Titmuss. “To do what we have to do, you have to be a little odd, you have to be really brave, and you have to take in signals from your environment and put them all together in a split second.”
As she continues to grow as a young person, her art will most certainly evolve, as will her goalkeeping, and she’s enjoying the creative process of both crafts. She loves analyzing the world around her. It’s just that when roaming the penalty area, those decisions must be made much more quickly than when she’s standing at the easel.
“Both art and goalkeeping allow me to be myself and give me a sense of freedom,” she said. “Goalkeepers have different styles, and you can excel in different ways, but you have to put in the work. I feel like I’mbecoming more confident and creative in goal. I know both soccer and painting require a level head -- they just move at different speeds.”
Like all of the U.S. U-20 Women’s World Cup Team players, she wants to take her soccer career as far as she can. But after that? Her dream is to open a coffee shop at which she can display, and maybe sell, her art and the art of other local artists. Working name: “Coffee and Cosmos.” Coffee shop in the morning, speakeasy in the evening.
But who knows what path she will take? Life, like art, is constantly changing. As Titmuss continues to paint the picture of her life’s journey, we all can be sure it will be filled with inspiration, love, lots of color, and images that emotionally impact people, most importantly, herself.